Barney Stinson, Chick Magnet
by rhapsodybree
Summary: Future fic. Barney shows he still has 'it' when Marshall and Ted challenge him to use a baby as a chick pulling machine.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Author's Note**: I'm not an avid watcher of How I Met Your Mother, so some facts and details may be incorrect, and some characters a little out of character, but I do love the relationship between Robin and Barney, and so I wanted to give this oneshot a try for the two of them.

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_Sometime in the future_

Ted Mosby, Marshall Erikson and Barney Stinson sat around their horseshoe shaped booth in the corner of a diner. Sipping their drinks and dipping into their food, Ted and Marshall lamented how getting the attention of women seems to be so much harder these days.

Barney, being Barney, declares that he's not over the hill yet, and says that he still has 'it' and could turn anything into a chick attracting machine. Marshall gleefully rubs his hands together and dares Barney to somehow use a baby to get the attention of women.

Momentarily flustered, Barney rises to the challenge. 'Prepare to watch a Master at work boys!'

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_Sometime later_

Ted and Marshall follow Barney at a distance as he strolls confidently down the centre of a mall. Their jaws drop when the pram that Barney is pushing gets attention from left, right and centre, from women young and old, with and without children, as all flock to look into the pram and flirt with Barney.

Returning to his friends a little later, Barney has a smug look on his face. '32 women, 15 mothers and eight phone numbers. I think my job here is done boys!'

Marshall refuses to accept this, writing it off as a one-off fluke and dares him to go again, as Ted suggests the beach. _I mean, how many women will go for a man with a kid at the beach?_ he thought.

As they sit at a cafe and watch a shirtless Barney cradle the baby on his chest as he stands ankle deep in the water, they're shocked to realise that the answer is quite a few. Bikini clad babes gush over the baby on their way into the water, and mothers perk up at this beautiful sight.

Ted and Marshall look at each other in disbelief. If it was either of them out there with a kid, they'd be given a wide berth by the bikinettes and sympathetic looks from the mothers - and there would definitely be no phone numbers!

As the heat increased, Barney made his way to the cafe. 'Satisfied? I don't think you'll need me to reel of the stats for this one, do you?'

Marshall shook his head with a disgruntled look, giving up. But Ted was willing to go one more. 'Here's the ultimate test. We'll head to a park and you have to see how many chicks you can pick up with us sitting on either side of you.'

Marshall perked up at this idea. 'Oh yeah. There's no way that you're going to be pulling chicks with us on either side of you,' said Marshall excitedly, before realising what he'd just said didn't reflect very well on himself. 'Eh.'

But lo and behold, the ladies still come as Barney sits on a park bench, baby lying comfortably in a sling in his arms. And when Barney produced a bottle of milk and commenced feeding the baby, it was as if the whole park had stopped and collectively gone 'Aaw'. Even when the baby started crying and Barney had to try a variety of moves to settle it, people still oohed and ahhed.

Ted had thought perhaps one lady might have been interested in him, but all she wanted was for him to move over so that she could take a photo of Barney and the baby. This was the final feather in Barney's cap. After said lady had gone, the bottle was finished and baby sleeping contentedly, Barney stood up. 'My work here is done. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get this baby back to where it belongs.'

Bidding his farewells, Barney straps the baby into his car and drives off, leaving behind two disbelieving men still shaking their heads and wondering where the world had gone wrong.

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_The following day_

Robin Scherbatsky, face still covered in make up from her show earlier that morning, talked with Lily Erikson on the phone as she leans against the kitchen bench.

'Mmm. Ted will be there - but I don't think his wife will be. I think she has to visit her sister or something. So it will be the old gang - plus one - tonight eh?!'

Lily agreed before changing the topic of conversation rapidly. 'Did you hear about what the boys got up to yesterday?'

'Yeah I did. Barney grabbed Isaac and took on Marshall's challenge that he could remain a chick attracting machine regardless. I got to admit - though don't you dare tell him I admitted to it! - if he can still pick up women whilst dealing with a teething baby, that's certainly something!'

Lily laughed. 'Well my man was not impressed when he came home last night! He actually knelt down and told BOE that he was to be something he can beat Barney with. As if carrying his kid isn't hard enough! No pressure!'

As whining was heard from the other room, Robin quickly wrapped up the call. 'Zak's awake and wanting attention. Poor baby. I'll be glad when we're past the teething stage.' As Lily murmured in sympathy, Robin finished the call. 'I'll see you at the restaurant later Lil. Parenthood is beckoning!'

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_Later that night_

When Ted steps out of the cab at the restaurant, he curses as a sudden downpour hits him, saturating him fully. Lamenting that he couldn't be with his wife in the sunny East Coast, he stepped up to the door, shaking off excess water before he stepped inside.

Heading toward the corner booth, he slips in next to Marshall. He greets the pregnant Lily, before pulling funny faces at the baby seated in his mother's lap opposite him, making the baby giggle around his drool covered chew toy.

Robin rolled her eyes. 'Uncle Ted is being silly isn't he bub?'

All know exactly what they are going to order, and so when the waitress arrives they make an order for five. And when the missing man of the hour stepped in the door ten minutes later, there was not a drop of rain on him. Sliding into the booth next to Robin, Barney grins at everyone. 'How are we all this fine evening?'

As all make the requisite noises of an answer, the baby in Robin's arms babbles incoherently before dropping his toy (which then fell under the table) and reached his arms out for the newcomer. 'Da da!'

Happily transferring the child to his arms, Barney smacks a big kiss on his child's forehead, before using his bib to wipe his mouth. 'How's my little drooling pooch tonight?' All laughed as Zak grabbed his father's tie and started gumming it happily. Well used to it, Barney sits back and let's his child chew away happily.

His turning and kissing of his wife is interrupted when Ted emerges from under the table with Zak's chew toy. 'Good lord man. How much saliva can that kid produce?!'

Robin laughed as she turned away from her husband. 'You should have seen him when I got back from work this morning. He was slobbering all over the place. Poor Barney had to change his tie twice before he left for work!'

When the food arrived soon after, Barney rubbed his stomach in appreciation. 'Good choice Scherbatsky. I've had a hunkering for meat all day.'

Robin rolled her eyes. 'You always order this Stinson. But thanks for the compliments anyway,' she added, giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

As all commenced digging into their dinners and conversation flowed smoothly and loudly, Ted looked around at his 'family'. He saw just one thing missing from the picture... the mother of his children.


End file.
